Let me start this article off by explaining who should be reading it...

- If you are just getting into working out and fitness and are thinking of hiring a certified personal trainer to train you, this article is for you.

- If you've been working out for years and aren't happy with your results and are just now thinking of hiring one, this article is for you.

- If you are currently already receiving personal training, this article is for you.

- If you ever see personal trainers in your gym and were thinking of asking them for advice, this article is for you.

- If you see one on TV or read an article written by one and were thinking of using the information they gave, this article is for you.

- If you're none of these things but have become interested in this article anyway because of how interesting I may have made it sound, then by all means, this article is for you too. At the very least, it is moderately entertaining. At the very most, everything you've ever thought of about personal trainers will be completely changed... and it will be to your own benefit. Here we go...

Some people have certain predisposed opinions of personal trainers. I can tell you what mine was. Back when I first joined a gym in 1998, I thought they were geniuses. Gurus, experts, mavens, savants, qualified masters of their trade. Basically, the only people who know for sure what works and what doesn't when it comes to fitness and diet. And, I thought they were all equal. After all, they are all "certified." I wasn't even really sure what that meant, but I assumed that in order for someone to be a legit certified personal trainer, they HAD to know what they were doing. I mean, come on... these people are CERTIFIED! That HAS to mean something. They are training REAL actual people. They HAVE to know their stuff.

Now, after years of working out at this same gym, let me tell you what my current opinion of certified personal trainers is. For every good, knowledgeable, smart personal trainer, there is one clueless, stupid, uninformed idiot who has no idea that the hell they're doing.

In this article I am going to tell a few real first-hand stories and accounts that will easily back up this current opinion. Hopefully it will help people better decide if personal training is for them, and, if it is, to at least be more cautious of which fitness trainers they take advice from.

Believe it or not, my first story takes place the first day I stepped foot in a gym. I joined with a friend of mine, Danny. This is a nationally known gym, by the way. It's probably one of the top 3 gym franchises in the world. Anyway, while far from being really overweight, my friend Danny was the "fat one" (endomorph) of the two of us. However, even though he would be looking to lose some weight, we both equally wanted to gain muscle. Upon realizing this, Danny presented me with a possible theory...

It was that he would be able to gain more muscle faster than me because he could "turn all of his fat into muscle." And, since I was the naturally skinny one (ectomorph), I would have to just "build muscle from nothing." His theory would be 100% correct as long as it is actually possible to turn fat into muscle. This was something we were unsure of at the time. So, we figured, let's go up to one of the gym's certified personal trainers and ask them. He was training someone at the time, so we waited for the right moment, and then we walked over and asked. It went something like this...

Me and Danny: Hi, we were wondering if it's possible to turn fat into muscle?
Personal Trainer: Yes.
Danny: So then I should be able to gain more muscle faster than him because I already have some fat on me?
Real Actual Legit Certified Personal Trainer: Yes.

He was very polite and willing to answer us for free. There was just one tiny little problem... it is 100% impossible to turn fat into muscle. It just can't happen. It's a common myth, but it's nothing more. There is just no way to turn fat into muscle. I found this out later on, of course, and I started to wonder... how could a certified personal trainer who was training an actual human person not know this? And not only did he not know it, but he actually gave out completely false information. Was it all fitness trainers, or was it just this one guy? I'd soon have my answer.

One day a few months later, I was doing parallel bar dips. For the record, dips are a tricep exercise. Once again... TRICEPS. They also secondarily work the chest and shoulders. It was at this point that a different certified fitness trainer walked over with the client who was receiving his personal training and asked to work in. I said sure. The client did his set, and then I did mine. The client went again, and after completing the set, his trainer walked away for a minute or two (to do something important I'm sure). This gave me and his client a chance to chat.

Client: Dips are great!
Me: Yeah, one of my favorites.
Client: My biceps are going to be killing me tomorrow!
Me: You mean triceps, right?
Client: Triceps? Dips are a bicep exercise, aren't they?
Me: Uhhh, I'm pretty sure it's triceps, and maybe some chest and shoulders if anything.
Client: Really? Hmmm...

This was when his personal trainer returned to grace us with his fitness wisdom. "No" he said, "this is a bicep exercise. Mostly biceps." I pleaded my case with the little fitness knowledge I had at the time and he babbled something about how wide your grip is or how far forward you lean and how your arms bend like this and blah blah blah... "Dips are a bicep exercise." A certified personal trainer was standing a foot in front of me explaining to both me and the client he was training why dips are "mostly a bicep exercise." This of course is 100% false. I've always wondered how big his client's biceps have gotten since then? I'm sure they're huge.

The other day I'm watching TV and just flipping through the channels when I come across a show called "The Gym" on a channel called "FitTV" which I didn't even know existed. It's apparently a show about a gym (who would have guessed) and the, once again, CERTIFIED personal trainers that work there. "Hmmm," I thought. "This should be interesting." So I started watching. They showed one trainer in the act of personal training with his client. It was a tricep workout. They walked over to the tricep cable press down machine at which point Mr. TrainerGuy stopped to talk to the camera. He said something along the lines of...

"We're going to start off doing press downs using the bar to build muscle."

Now, first and foremost this guy gets points for successfully telling the difference between his biceps and triceps. Congrats. Second, when he says "bar" he's referring to the typical metal bar that you "press down" with when doing tricep press downs. It was the "to build muscle" part that I didn't get. Obviously it was going to build muscle. I mean, what else could it possibly do? A set or two later, I learned.

"Now we're going to switch to the rope grip because the rope is for sculpting and defining. We already worked on building muscle with the bar, now we’ll work on sculpting using the rope!"

When he says rope, he is referring to another popular grip to use when doing tricep press downs. It's sort of like the metal bar, only it's a rope. According to this certified personal fitness trainer, it's a big enough change to make the difference between "muscle building" and "sculpting and defining." Hang on... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok, I'm back. Not only is this statement 100000% false, but it is laughably stupid. The only difference between the rope and the bar is the fact that one is a rope, and one is a bar. They will both build muscle. Neither will "sculpt" or "define."

Now, bare in mind, this wasn't just some idiot fitness trainer in a gym. This is a guy they actually put on TV in front of potentially millions of people on a channel called FitTV, on a show called The Gym, and there he is, giving out completely incorrect information. If a certified personal trainer can do this on a nationally televised TV show, just imagine what one can do in private just between them and the client they are training.

While I have a ton of similar personal trainer stories, some more disturbing/funny/dangerous than others, I think I've made my point. Maybe one day I'll write them all up and make a continuously updated page of clueless personal fitness trainer stories. My intention here was to make it known that just because someone is a "certified personal trainer" it doesn't automatically mean they have any idea what the hell they're doing or saying.

Let me also get another point across. THERE ARE MANY GOOD PERSONAL TRAINERS. There are. Seriously. I promise you there are. But, like I mentioned in the beginning, for every good personal trainer, there is likely to be a terrible one. I can only assume that there are people who think that anyone with the title of Certified Personal Fitness Trainer is knowledgeable and good, just like I originally did. But, if you've read this article, you now know that this is obviously not true.

So, if you are currently receiving personal training or are maybe thinking about hiring a personal trainer or even just getting some free diet or fitness advice from one of the trainers at your gym, keep an eye out. They could be really really good, or they could just as easily be really really stupid.

Questions, comments or feedback? Feel free to e-mail me at:
IntenseWorkout@gmail.com

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